In this season tinged with a chill,
In this place where one can feel the cold wind blow,
In this moment when every household celebrates the coming Spring Festival,
At this age of growing maturity still carrying dreams —
I feel the warmth you and this holiday bring me,
I feel the drive and pressure of the city alongside nature’s beauty,
I feel the joyful shadows and memories of childhood,
I feel everything that the journey of growing up has given me.
The same ordinary life, yet a different destiny.
All the bitterness up to now,
All the grievances up to now,
Have drifted away like a gust of wind to who knows where.
I want to say: thank you —
For that tolerance and acceptance I gained without knowing when,
Which gave me the courage to face and rediscover my life.
I don’t know if I want to feel weary or simply bask in this moment.
I just want to live lazily for a while.
----------Written beforehand
On the road, the usual crowds and noise are gone. I deliberately slow my pace to take in the places I walk past every day. In the brisk cold air, everything suddenly feels a little more intimate. On this winter morning, it turns out one can still feel the beauty of the world.
This year is coming to an end. The journey has been hard but worthwhile. There are regrets, of course, but so be it. I cannot be free of all desires, yet neither am I so stubborn as to lose sight of my own path. Friends have all set off on their journeys home. I miss that certain place dearly. It turns out that at this time of year, I actually love winter too — the tender sprouts about to break through the earth, the willows about to sway in the wind, the dry grass in the fields ready to catch fire at a spark, the frost at dawn, the icy rivers, the jagged and unruly mountains, the bare trees stripped of every leaf, the simple joys of childhood... Even though I can still see all of this, my state of mind has drifted further and further away, and may never return.
What can I say? What do I even want to say…
Unintentionally, I notice the date has changed from the 26th to the 27th. Isn't that just the most ordinary of patterns? Yet seeing it still stirs something in me — excitement and sadness both — especially in the stillness of the night. I don't know how to make sense of this change. How much has time taken away, and what has it brought? Some sigh over wasted years, some are grateful for the tempering of time, some indulge in its luxuries, some dread its torment... For me, it all amounts to one long wait.
My heart still holds no joy for the New Year. Perhaps I've been overthinking. I just can't seem to calm down. In truth, a battle has been raging inside me: why is it that I can open my heart to forgive, understand, and accept others, yet remain so confused and conflicted within myself? This past year offered no answer to what love means. How shall the new year bring hope to love? Where do I go from here...
No matter what, I'm still living with strength and confidence. I believe the new year may be even better.
Whenever I write about something, there's always a reason behind it — something you saw, something you heard, something you thought of, something you experienced, something you remembered, something that inspired you, something written on a whim, or something born from a dream. Much like how you might forget something just by turning over in bed — dreams are like that. Lately I've been dreaming of things I never think about during the day. People whose names I haven't spoken in years appear in my dreams with their faces and names perfectly clear. They say you dream of what you think about by day, and it's precisely because this defies that notion that it feels so wondrous. I'm grateful that the word "change" applies to people too. All things in this world are in flux. It is through all the changes — good and bad alike — that a person becomes richer and deeper in spirit. Don't confine your life. Only by blooming can you truly shine.